Sticks and stones can break my bones
but words can crush my heart...
That isn't how this verse normally goes, but it is probably much more truthful this way.
Read what James 3:1-18 says:
“My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation. For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. Behold, we put bits in the horses mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: So is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea is tamed, and have been tamed of mankind: but the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessings and cursings. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? Either a vine, figs? So can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh. Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? Let him show out of good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom. But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.†(James 3:1-18)
In our families, we have a moral obligation, and in fact, most of us even promise to do this during our wedding ceremonies, but we are absolutely, morally obligated to honor our families and love them, and there is no way to do that without dealing with them kindly and lovingly with our words. We should not be escalating them into anger with redicule and verbal abuse. We should not be manipulating them with false guilt or make them feel they have to prove themselves worthy to be loved by us.
Often those who habitually abuse others verbally are quick to control others through false accusations, too. They may even falsely accuse their spouses or children of abuse. The aim of such accusations is not to bring safety and well-being to the family but rather to control others and get instant gratification and satisfaction of a personal desire.
Our words will always build up those we love and tear down those we hate. Do you build up your mate? Your children? Your parents? your siblings? Do you realize that those who are not close to you are usually powerless to cause you much pain through their words, but you are most vulnerable to those you love most? Are you using the love of your family as a weapon of control against them for your own benefit to their harm?
