Recommended Reading: 50-secrets-blissful-relationships
People fall in love with those who make them feel good about themselves.
That truth can be life changing. Think about it. If you criticize your spouse, your spouse's heart is likely to close off to you. Chances are your spouse won't even want to get your message. If you criticize more harshly or publicly or in front of your kids, you can expect a good amount of misery in return.
Have you ever been criticized harshly? I am sure you have, and so have I. Have you felt the sting of insult? Felt belittled?
How did it affect your desire to comply with the other person's wishes? Or did it make you want to shut that person up with a few choice words of your own? Did you enjoy being with that person?
But, what if you turn that around and do your best to catch your spouse doing something right and make mention of it? And, by the way, I don't mean sarcastically either. What do you think would happen?
Usually people want to please their spouses until they lose hope of ever being good enough. People need hope just as they need faith and love. There is something almost magical about thankfulness that causes people to feast their minds on the things that make them happy instead of miserable. In other words, if you focus on your spouse's bad points, you'll feel miserable and make everyone else miserable and you won't make much progress for the better. But, if you focus on everything your spouse does well, you will be happier, your spouse will be happier, and your spouse will feel that pleasing you is a worthwhile endeavor. Your children will be a lot happier for it, too.
It sounds simple and trite, but often the most effective solutions to the most daunting problems are trite yet untried. And, usually it is untried because it requires taking courage and trying something new -- stepping away from one's comfort zone. But those who take this step are almost always tremendously thankful they did.
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