One of the controversies regarding prayer has been over how and when God answers prayer.
And, this has some relevance to the saving of marriages.
For awhile, something called "Positive Confession" became popular in some Christian circles and detested as heretical in other Christian circles.
As is often the case, if there was any controversy over what people were actually teaching, there was probably much more controversy over misconceptions and notions about what people were teaching.
Vain Repetitions, Powerless Prayers
One common notion is that Christians should never pray for anything specifically but rather pray submitting all prayers to the will of God. So, instead of asking God for healing and exposing people to possible disappointment if God should not answer the prayer, many people feel it's better to ask "Lord, if it be Thy will, touch this person in Your special way..."
Name it, Claim it - The Other Extreme
Others maintain that we must pray specifically in faith. Some practiced a "name it and claim it in Jesus' Name" manner of prayer.
When people are in such a horrible crisis as the destruction of a family, there is a strong temptation for some to seek any remedy they can find. Some will even try witchcraft or new age spells if it seems to be the only thing that offers any hope of rescuing the marriage, and this is tragic. It is tragic that people would run directly to the same devil that destroyed their families in hopes of saving their families.
Disappointment in God
When people end up in such a horrible crisis, unless their faith is really strong, it may be hard for them not to become disappointed or angry with God losing faith that God is really benevolent, aware, loving, powerful, and wise.
Many times people will get through the trial or tribulation in life and see how God's love, wisdom, power, were all in full operation in ways we could not understand at the time.
The Consequences of Free Will
It is very hard to accept that other people have just as much freedom to do right or wrong as we do, and those that we trust for justice in our government are not always trustworthy. In fact, it is a horrible shock to find that people actually get their wealth destroying the families of little children for money.
But, God does not cause this. He allows it. Unfortunately, it is a natural consequence of freedom, and freedom is a vital ingredient of love. Love must be chosen, but the ability to love implies the ability to choose not to love or be honorable.
My Personal Experience with Disappointment
When I suffered through my wife's illness and an unwanted divorce, I became angry with God myself and often tempted Him in anger. That was not a good way to face this problem, but God was not surprised. There were times I screamed out in prayer saying, "If there is a God in heaven, if God is greater than Satan, then most certainly there will be no divorce. Injustice will not rule in the courts. My wife's relationship with the other man will be over, and she will be healed of her bipolar disorder. I would not accept any other outcome. I would not accept losing my family or my daughter or having our finances gutted, and if this was going to take place, I wanted to make sure God would have His name written all over this failure so that it would be His and His alone.
I quoted scripture back to God regarding answers to prayer. Promised answers to prayer. I would not let go. My family was falling apart and I wanted answers why. Was it my fault? Fine. I can accept that if the fault can be pointed out and corrected, but don't tell me its my fault if it's not in my power to fix. Don't tell me it's my fault if someone else is making the choices because I began studying to be a good father and a good husband in my youth long before I was married, and I was committed to being the best father and husband I could be.
God, Where Are You?
I wondered where God was and why there was no answer to prayer. Is this God the same God who created the universe? Who parted the sea for Moses? Who did miracles for Abraham, Joseph, Joshua, Elijah, Elisha, Gideon, Samson, and countless others? Is this the God who sent his son to die for us, the son who turned the water into wine and fed thousands with a couple handfulls of food? The same God who answered some prayers for other people but seemed to skip over me when I had a need. Why? Did God hate me for some reason?
Am I not Good Enough, Lord?
What would I have to do to be good enough for Him? Theologically I knew I couldn't be good enough and that I needed His grace which I had to accept through faith. I knew I had to receive His righteousness and that He had to pay the price for my sins on Calvary. But, I was willing to be His servant and receive from Him whatever He wanted me to receive. Or so I thought.
Should I Accept Divorce as God's Will?
Some told me it might have been God's will for this divorce to happen, but for me that was detestable because it would make God worse than a sinner or a tempter but rather a god who forces sin on people against their will.
Reaping What I Sowed
I blamed myself for making a bad choice in marriage, for losing faith and patience in God during the long wait and the heartbreaks I experienced before marriage. I had quite a bit of anger and bitterness toward God, though I wanted to be a loving, faithful Christian and be the very best I could be for God. Still I always felt I was substandard. I was considered a genius, but a nerdy genius somewhat socially inept partly because I was socially inept, and partly because I would not comprommise with sin knowingly and willfully except for that which came out of anger, hurt, and bitterness for all the things I used as excuses for self-pity.
But, over time, I began to learn that the amount of blessing, joy, and happiness in a person's life has more to do with thanksgiving and awareness of the blessings in life than on getting what we want all the time.
So, What is Prevailing Prayer?
But, what does this all have to do with prevailing prayer? Does this mean that all prayer is a crap shoot? A guess? A hope? A roll of the dice? Is God a pet rock that we train to come to us by coming to Him and pretending He has come to us instead? Do we have to couch all our prayers in ways to protect God from the possibility of failure so that we will never be caught without an explanation if God should choose not to answer our prayers?
Another question is, "If God only answers prayers according to His will, what difference will our prayers make anyway?" Many have a notion that prayer never moves God at all. That is, He will do what He does regardless of our prayers, but rather prayer is meant to change us, to change our attitudes, to help us draw close to God.
And, some feel this is the way mature Christians pray -- unselfishly.
And, yet this is not what we see modelled in the life of Jesus or the disciples. We see direct and immediate answers to prayer. We also see it in the old testament prophets and others.
Understanding God's Will
So, in a way, what seems important is to get into God's Word and really pray for understanding so that we do not misrepresent His promises or either underestimate them or overestimate them. If God has not really, truly promised something, there is no amount of positive confession or claiming it that will make it happen if that is not His will. But, if it is His will to answer prayer, the answer to that prayer may still require our prayer for it to happen. Why? Because often God holds back answers to prayer for our sake to get us to draw close to Him.
And, if we understand His promises correctly and truly apply them, they will be answered just as surely as God is true to His Word. But, keep in mind that there are sometimes delays to answers if that is the best thing for God to do.
Faith - Opportunity for a Limited Time Only
Sometimes, it is a greater blessing to believe for something before we see it rather than afterward, and once the promise is fulfilled or prayer answered, the opportunity to believe and trust beforehand is lost forever. And, yet, it is important to believe truthfully and honestly and not with a false hope or a false distrust either.
Keep this in mind and apply it to your family situation and one way or another, whether you receive the exact blessing you want or not, somehow, it will bring about the very best!!!
God bless you,
Dan
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