Recommended Reading: 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships
Flirting is fun within marriage, but it always very destructive to a family when flirting takes place outside the marriage.
When we flirt with our spouses, that's a great thing to do. When we flirt with our spouses, we help affirm their self-worth and let our spouses know they are desirable to us. When our spouses flirt with us, we should never put them down or upbraid them, but we should find creative ways to flirt back. That's a good thing. People fall in love with those who make them feel good about themselves.
But, flirting outside marriage is deadly. Unwise people do not realize flirting is a mating dance -- a way of attracting a mate. There is nothing wrong with loving our brothers and sisters at church and affirming their self-worth. But, true love will flee the appearance of infidelity or anything that would cause one's spouse misery, jealousy, and insecurity.
My recommendation regarding expressions of affection to members of the opposite sex is simply this: Cut off all expressions of affection to unrelated members of the opposite sex including inlaws and anyone who might possibly cause some discomfort to your spouse until your affection of love to your spouse is so sincere and deep that your spouse feels totally secure with you and would feel blessed to see you express affection to other people. In short, if you're going to hug a person of the opposite sex or kiss on the forehead to comfort, do it in the presence of your spouse for the purpose of pleasing your spouse and comforting someone your spouse loves very dearly, too.
Beyond that, be cautious and honest with yourself. People can feel a sense of warning and guilt and know in their hearts that there is something wrong with their motives. They can tell if they're testing the water for something more. They can tell what they would do given the chance if they could get away with it. And, if there is any trace of that feeling inside, just be wise and create a distance between yourself and that person.
And, don't feel guilty. Don't blame yourself or let the devil make you feel guilty for doing that. Protecting another person from temptation can be a most loving thing to do, and you don't have to do it unkindly or unlovingly. You can do it out of concern for that person, for your spouse, for your children, for setting a good example to others, and so on.
Having said this, I want to talk about feeling some spouses have of being smothered by a supposedly overly jealous spouse.
